My first STD was from a foam party
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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