What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
