It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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