Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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