Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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