I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
