we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
