when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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