the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
