May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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