Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
