how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
