New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
