Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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