remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
