I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
