There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
