Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
