So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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