Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
