I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize