I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
