i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
