Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She just used a chaser for red wine.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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