Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize