Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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