OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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