I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
