Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
