you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
