Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
