im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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