Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
