What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
