My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
