Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
