I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize