Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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