he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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