I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
