i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
