Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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