I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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