Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
