i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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