Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
