um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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