Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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