I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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