Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
