Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
