so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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