His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
