Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You ruined the universe
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
