flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
