I'm lost and stupid without you.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
