Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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