I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
