Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
