i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
