I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
