What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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