I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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