We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
