I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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