you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
