it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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