I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
