I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
