Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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